I saw her boob - and it wasn't at the Oscars

I support a woman's right to breastfeed anywhere she damn chooses and it took me twenty minutes to realize this morning that any discomfort I feel 'not knowing where to look' falls into the more general category in the 'How boys need to behave' handbook of 'Be conscious when you're staring at a woman's breasts'

So Smith was on a much deserved night away and I'd managed to get the kids to their institutions without any overly serious altercations.

We cruise into the garderie and a fairly hippy academic type is breastfeeding big time on one of the benches we sit the kids to get their boots off.

I was ticked. I was all 'I've had three kids that were breastfed semi-publicly where am I supposed to look?'…I furiously averted my eyes and was annoyed to have to do so. Getting the kids changed is a hassle at the best of times and now I have to work around this…this…this public display of maternal love and affection? But I didn't get there at first.

So I started thinking: ok, rationally I support a woman's right to breastfeed, but should she 'cover up' or otherwise 'act with more decorum' - and it bothered me. So I started thinking about 'provocation' - is she being aggressively mega hippy? Should she be conscious of my discomfort and change her actions accordingly? And so the broader questions - what is provocative? Our actions clearly influence each other but is anyone responsible for the reactions their actions trigger in others? And I was thinking about slutwalk, and hijabs, and the whole patriarchal bullshit that intellectually usually seems so simple, but confronted with this woman breastfeeding, when I was SLIGHTLY stressed with having to change two children - threw all that logico-deductive stuff out the window.

Anyhow - it took me awhile to figure the whole thing out. At first I was angry, and then a little later I realized I was INTERESTED, and not in the 'I'd like to read a long boring text about this' way.


(image from KORA Organics, so credit where credit is due)

And that led to whatever 'breakthrough' I think I might of had.

'Confronted' with this woman breastfeeding, I didn't know where to look. And only twenty minutes later did I realize that probably where I WANTED to look was, well, you decide…

And so that's when I saw that my discomfort was just a tiny little part of the dance we all play with each other everyday. What is and is not acceptable behaviour. And so finally I realized that 'don't stare' - and especially 'don't stare at a woman's breasts unless you're pretty sure it's the right time to do so' is just BASIC 'how to avoid being gelded' behaviour.

Is it acceptable to breastfeed in public? Absolutely. Is it rude to stare? Most of the time. Am I going to sneak a peek? Of COURSE not…

And don't tell Smith, she's supposed to be relaxing.