It's a funny thing - the almost tangible feeling of confidence, to deconstruct, and possibly burst the balloon, equal parts recent exercise, domestic harmony, not drinking, effort, etc…
The recipe doesn't entirely matter - it does, to try and maintain or replicate it, but I'm also moving to something else here…
The thing with confidence and optimism is that it changes both how you perceive the world and how you act in it - as I walked back to the minivan having forced the kids to listen to The Immigrant Song (BBC studio version) but then turning on top 40 afterwards to quiet their rebellion, I thought to myself 'I'm just getting started - I haven't even brought my A game yet' - I'm parathinking, but it was something similarly sports themed…a real sense of how my efforts to date can be surpassed by my efforts in the future.
And it was due in part to having posted a video about my yellow teeth. I've always had teeth of colour - and don't exactly live a coffee and other staining substances free lifestyle.
Once each new hygienist stops vomiting down her sleeve and suggests there's something I could do about it, I tell them that eventually my narcissism will overcome my miserliness - but not yet.
The point is that I'm finally being directly bullied by advertising and Crest can go french seal themselves. Knowing rationally the harm our hyper sexualized and violence fetishizing culture does everyday to women (and men), it's cliche but true that it's only when you or yours are directly attacked that it becomes personal.
Which is also why I like living in Quebec - one of the most pleasant places for a 6'2" white guy to enjoy the slightest sense of being victimized and discriminated against within driving distance of the grandparents.
So my buddy said "Not even hiding behind the Beaver proxy, you must be really angry" -- which was cool because I was annoyed enough by the ads to act - though it was more about wanting to see if the gods of You Tube virality would react, than for justice for people with teeth of colour. (note: so far You Tube does NOT give a shit) - but it was more interesting to me because I've been hiding behind my puppet, while knowing that I'm trying to back myself into making real efforts.
Now the 'feeling' of optimism needs to be channeled into action.
Too often I've celebrated feeling good by drinking myself into its opposite. It's kind of like the science that says "Don't tell people about your plans" - when we tell people about our plans, we get a little hit of neurochemical pleasure, that as often as not discourages us from actually attempting our plans, because of all the less pleasant work required to advance them.
I suppose, if I'm honest, this stream of consciousness bloviating and my puppet videos fall into the same category. Some "effort" but really kind of bullshit measured against say, Tolstoy or Jim Henson.
(Which gets us to the snob's dilemma, one of the long list of empty dharmas that stand in the way of our productivity, but that's for another day.) {and which has been dealt with poetically by Ira Glass ...Ed. March, 2014}
THE GAP by Ira Glass from frohlocke on Vimeo.
So the thing is it's Monday and there are things to do - I recognize there are changes that need to be made - clean up or move out of the basement dungeon office, set longer term goals than twenty minute blog posts and 30 second phone videos - seek worthwhile professional challenges, but practice gratitude and reinforce those practices that have let me enjoy an amuse bouche of the taste of victory.
Because the good of each moment can undo the evil of a thousand years. Or so the Buddha told me.
